About Life and Death

 About Life and Death

I was watching episode 3 and 4 of the K-Drama, Thirty-Nine. It was about three female friends, who are all aged 39. As the story progressed, it was revealed that one of the three friends is terminally ill. The news affected all the characters, one way or another. The news of death nearing is devastating. Knowing that life will end with such certainty makes it very scary, but aren’t we all certain to die? It is just a matter of when. 

I cried while watching the two episodes because it is heartbreaking. It is unfortunate for death to come at such an age. I will turn 39 this year, so in my eyes, the terminally ill character is still very young and full of promise. It is scarier because I’m almost her age, and that could happen to me too. Shouldn’t death come later and not at a time when you are starting to figure out life? But death does not negotiate, and whether she seeks treatment or not, she will die. Treatment may extend her life for up to a tear, but it will come. 

I understand why the news of death saddens people. Learning about your own death gives a deadline to all the things you were supposed to do, and you’d feel like the time is not enough to do them all. You’d feel helpless knowing that time will run out, because we always thought, we have time. 

The thought of not being able to do what you have always wanted to do and or becoming the person you have always wanted to be is disappointing. It seems like we will not be able to do the things that we have always kept at the back of our minds, the things we always put aside because we have other things in our to do list; targets to accomplish, and deadlines to meet. We set aside the trivial things we wanted to do, because we thought we had time, but then death… The news of death coming to us makes us reflect on what we have done with our lives so far and if those things truly mattered. 

Where did your inner child go? Didn’t you want to start painting, but postponed it because you have more pressing concerns? Didn’t you schedule a meet-up with a friend and cancel because the report is more important? Didn’t you choose to miss dinners with family because you need to be in a meeting? And aren’t we all guilty of this? We know work is important. It is our bread and butter. It is our means to put food on the table, pay the bills, and make a living. It also allows us to prepare for the future. And that is what death takes away, the future we always look forward to. 

I, for one, am someone who worries about the future quite a lot. I want to prepare for my old age and ensure that I will have a comfortable and happy life, and not be a burden to the people around me. The likelihood of me spending my old age alone, is very likely. And that is why I want my future self to be able to take care of me. But for someone who is dying, that worry of the future is gone. Why worry about a future that will not come? And isn’t it something that all of us should also think about? Why keep worrying about a future? Do not get me wrong. I still advocate a planned future. But maybe we also need to start living in the present. After all, this is the future we were so worried about a decade ago. 

Doesn’t this make knowing when you are going to die a blessing? Knowing that death will be in your doorsteps gives you that sense of urgency and makes you want to take action. It makes you reflect on the things that truly matter to you and focus on them. You do not have to slave yourself and work tirelessly to ward off uncertain future. You just need to calculate how much you need until the day you die, save up, do the things you are passionate about, and leave this world feeling that you have lived a good life.

The news of death gives you a timeline to work with. I love having timelines, as it gives you the basis of the things you need to prioritize. If you find out that you will die next week, what would you do? Would you spend it in a meeting, training, working on a presentation, or report? Or would there be something else you’d rather do? Slaving yourself for the much needed salary would seem a waste of time because you realize that there are more important things to deal with. When you have a timeline, your priorities shift, and that is when you realize how much you have taken the things that truly matter for granted. 

Death makes you think of the people in your life. All of a sudden, spending quality time with them becomes essential. The news also affects the people around you. How would your parents deal with the news? How would your siblings react? Your close friends? Your colleagues? When people who truly love you and care about you learn about your timeline, wouldn’t they change? Wouldn’t they show you that you matter to them more often? Wouldn’t they start treating you as someone delicate that needs protecting? Isn’t it ironic that after learning about dying soon, you will find more and more things to love about life? Doesn’t make it want you to hold on to life longer?

Another good thing about knowing that you will soon die is that you choose to be present. For some reason, death makes you more aware of the now. You realize that there is no point in chasing and worrying about the future. When meeting with friends, we cherish our time with them because we are aware that it may be the last time we will see them. We savor moments we have with family and loved ones, because we know that it may be the last memory they will have of us. We choose to be better individuals and do good, because we realize there is no point in being bad.

And maybe shows like these are essential. Because even though we know what we should value, we often need to be reminded. We know all of us will die, yet we choose to take life for granted. We know that we can lose the opportunity to pursue what we want, but we choose to remain in our comfort zone. We know that our loved ones will not be around forever, but we choose to spend less and less time with them. We know that work will replace us as soon as we are gone, but we still choose it over and over again.