Random Thoughts

  And there are days like this. Days when nothing goes wrong but nothing feels right. When you know that there are so many things to look forward to, but they seem empty promises, and you ask yourself, why am I doing all these? What are these for? And sometimes life is like this, you question your purpose, why are you here, and you don’t find answers, and so you continue this cycle of figuring things out, when all you really want is to find contentment. I don’t want to be whining, but I’ll whine anyway. I don’t want to be sad, but this is something I cannot escape. Perhaps it is part of life, part of really knowing who you are and be more self-aware. They say you need to be more grateful. I am, but that does not mean I should hide all these other feelings. I am grateful, but I am also confused, lost, and just want everything to stop. But the world will not wait, so as the other people in this world. Life goes on, no matter how I feel. It is frustrating when you want to be someo...

If I Have Six Months to Live I did share the K-Drama 39 which inspired me to write About Life and Death. Chan Young, one of the lead characters, only has six months to live. A few days after writing the article, I heard that a former student passed away. He was young, smart and full of promise. He is young, way younger than I am, and he is yet to live his life to the fullest. I mean, live his potential to the fullest, to journey on and figure out life’s mysteries. But he won’t be able to do it anymore. Death came to him so early and so suddenly. This makes me reflect on my own life. Isn’t it fortunate to know when it is your time to go.   Chan-young has six months to live. What would I do if I have to work with that timeline? Perhaps, I would panic and question everything. I’d mourn as if I had already died. Yes, I am dramatic like that. After dealing with the shock, I would probably quit my job and start planning my life with the timeline I have been given. The fact that I st...

My father recently retired. I recall when he announced his retirement with finality, I told him I wanted to retire too if I could.  It is not that I do not like my job, I like it very much. But sometimes it can get very demanding and tiring. But as my Hyung said, everything is tiring. This made me realize that although my profession has caused me stress, sleepless nights, and sometimes anxiety, it has also given me so many things to be grateful for, which I admit, I often ignore.  Work is a blessing, I know that for a fact. I did experience fear and confusion when I left my previous job and spent four months looking for a new one. I know how much of a blessing it is to find a job after doing freelance work and losing one client after another. Having a regular job gives you that sense of security and one less thing to worry about.   Although grateful, I can’t help but question, is this what life is about? I think, for all of us working, we realize that we spend more t...

  About Life and Death I was watching episode 3 and 4 of the K-Drama, Thirty-Nine . It was about three female friends, who are all aged 39. As the story progressed, it was revealed that one of the three friends is terminally ill. The news affected all the characters, one way or another. The news of death nearing is devastating. Knowing that life will end with such certainty makes it very scary, but aren’t we all certain to die? It is just a matter of when.  I cried while watching the two episodes because it is heartbreaking. It is unfortunate for death to come at such an age. I will turn 39 this year, so in my eyes, the terminally ill character is still very young and full of promise. It is scarier because I’m almost her age, and that could happen to me too. Shouldn’t death come later and not at a time when you are starting to figure out life? But death does not negotiate, and whether she seeks treatment or not, she will die. Treatment may extend her life for up to a tear, but...

Bertolucci’s second key to happiness is to let it go. This, she said, is the principle of acceptance. Truly, we want to be in control most of the time. We want things to go our way. We want our friends to follow our advice and decide based on what we think is better for them.  This is also the same with our expectations from other people. We want them to treat us the way we want to be treated, and respond to us in certain ways. And when they don’t we end up upset, disappointed, and frustrated. We often forget that those decisions and actions are not ours to make in the first place.  How many times have we felt devastated because things didn't turn out the way we imagined it in our heads. All of these negative emotions came from the fact that we have difficulty accepting that what has transpired is beyond us.  At times, no matter how hard we try, no matter the planning and the preparations we make to disaster-proof everything, they just fall apart. Leaving us helpless, and...

The first key to happiness presented by Dominique Bertolucci is to take charge, the principle of choice.  She claims that you need to consciously make the decision to be happy. And I agree. Often, it is tempting to be swallowed by the negative emotions we feel, we often forget that we can take charge and take responsibility for our happiness.  Although at times, it is difficult. It is quite a challenge to choose to be happy when things are not going your way. I also think that we need to acknowledge and deal with the negative emotions such as sadness, frustrations, and disappointments. But acknowledging these emotions does not mean that we should nurture them. We need to deal with them because these emotions are part of our lives and part of who we are. However, we should not let it take over our lives. We should not let these feelings get the best of us. At some point, we need to decide to stop moping, move on and focus on what will make us feel good.  The code to happin...

Next Chapter We’ve held hands for so long We went through it all You got my back when things go wrong You have my shoulders to cry on And when the rain came pouring You were there to keep me going I’ve called you on your don’ts And you called me on my won’ts We turn to each other for that  Pat on the back We went through it all together But we both know nothing lasts forever You have your plans And I’ve got my own This time I don’t have your back And my back is on my own Because things are different  now And roads are not the same You follow a road that’s not mine to trek And my path is nowhere near your trail And so this is it Take a bow and peck the cheek We’ve held hands for so long But now we need to learn to hold our own And so this is how it is  We’ve had each other’s back for so long And now we are turning away Because we need to be who we are meant to be We’ll remember when our lights were blinding And the time of our lives we used to be sharing The pats on the ba...